BBCNews: Climate change: Arctic reindeer numbers crash by half. Some herds have shrunk by more than 90% – “such drastic declines that recovery isn’t in sight,” this Arctic Report Card stated.
The same goes for your pals, Dancer, that weirdo, Prancer, Dunno, the rest of them, and oh yeah, Stupid.
Who needs you? We have Amazon. The post office. Charge more. Before we shut it down. Tremendous.
Anyway, I saw you. On Fox. My executive time. Prancing around Poland, hanging with those pesky scientists, flashing that nose of yours like it was a bright red warning light.
I know what you were trying to tell us: Danger. Danger. Danger.
Fake news. Fake news. Just a constant negative covfefe. I do not believe you. The American people do not believe you. The real Americans. Not for one second. What a front-stabber you are. After years of getting rich off America. You’re just trying to hog the spotlight. My spotlight.
You’re on strike? At Christmas? Fewer and fewer of you to do the job every year, right? I heard about how half of you don’t show up for work anymore. Half. Can you believe it? Dead.
And the other half of your tribe? Look at you. Scrawny. Sick. Starving. Stupefied. Sad!
And you’re blaming me for these working conditions? Just because I’m delivering coal faster than you can deliver…what, what is it you deliver? Joy? Delight? Give me a break. Sad!
I’m a very stable genius. I know a good gift when I see one. Coal. Like Joe sends me.
Leave your sleigh at the door. I’ll get a huge caravan to deliver gifts. Caravans swarming around our border. Swarming. That’s our problem. Not warming. Swarming. With diseases. Contagious. Mexico is getting empty. They’ll do anything to get in. They can deliver my Wall, too. Come to think of it. Bad bad hombres. But useful. I use them. All my rich hombres do.
Rudolph, a warning: don’t go sneaking around teaching those immigrants how to fly over my big wall. I will lock you up. That’s a promise.
Make America. Not the North Pole. Great Again.
Thanks for the memories,
Big Little Donald
Cartoon: Danny Shanahan